Friday, December 17, 2010

Think before you leap!

In this scenario, two dwarves, both in plate armour, engage in combat on a barge with a slave trader and his three warf-rat companions, who want to add two dwarves to their list of commodities. Sometimes players like to argue that they should be able to do things in-game that they've done before in real life... and then try to talk their way out of a hastily-made decision...

Dwarf One: I'm on the left side of the crate, near the river, and Dwarf Two is on the right side of the crate, with the barrels on his other side.

GM Troll: [rolls] Roll Initiative for the dwarves, please...

[After three rounds of combat, Dwarf One hasn't taken a hit yet, but has likewise not hit anyone else. Dwarf Two has successfully dealt the slaver a savage blow, but was seriously wacked on the head by one of the thugs and Dwarf One is thinking of leaving while the getting is still good...]

Dwarf One: I don't like the way this is going. Sorry, Dwarf Two... I jump into the river to get away.

Dwarf Two: Hey!

GM Troll: Fortunately, this area of the river isn't dredged very often because the barges don't need much clearance to float, so the water is only 5' deep. Unfortunately, you are a dwarf and only 4'1" tall. The weight of your plate armour causes you to float about as well as an anvil. You sink straight to the bottom. [rolls] But you miraculously land on your feet! You watch the surface of the water ripple for a minute, just 11" above your head, before darkness overcomes you and you drown.

Dwarf One: No, I don't! I've gone swimming in full armour before in real life AND it was made of lead!

GM Troll: That might work if you were a human, but you're a dwarf. You're unable to keep yourself afloat because of your tiny arms.

Dwarf One: Then I slip my armour off instantly. I coat my body with butter every morning.

GM Troll: The river washed off the butter.

Dwarf One: I hold my breath and walk on the bottom to the ladder going up to the docks.

GM Troll: The ladder is 60' away; You can't hold your breath that long.

Dwarf One: I grabbed a barrel on the way down, so I suck the air out of the bunghole.

GM Troll: It had beer in it. You suck beer into your lungs and drown.

Dwarf One: I'm a dwarf, so I can breathe beer.

GM Troll: You get drunk instantly and pass out on the bottom of the river and drown.

Dwarf One: I hate you, GM Troll!

GM Troll: I'm not the one who jumped into a river wearing plate armour.

(The gist of this entry was initially created by The Grumpy Old Troll as we were tossing around ideas for the blog, but I embellished it a bit.)

1 comment:

  1. "I'm a dwarf so I can breathe beer."

    I need to steal that for a character...