Friday, January 28, 2011

"I leave the party"

In the Dark Depths of the Dungeon...
DM: .. your own weight in copper pennies, a bright red gem so small I'm surprised it didn't leave the chest via osmosis, and.. a dagger. A dagger for which I've gone to the trouble of searching the internet for 78 minutes to find just the perfect picture, then had to fight 14 rounds of psionic combat with my printer to produce this stunning home-brew play-aid. Laminated to prevent wear.
Gimlet: I wonder if it's special?
DM: ...
Gimlet: I could carry it around.. to.. you know.. try it out. ;)
Angora: Does anybody use daggers?
Gimlet: I can use daggers. ;) ;)
Angora: Does anybody mainly use just daggers.. as their main weapon?
Crickets: Chirp.
Gimlet: I can use daggers ;) ;) ;)
- they give Gimlet the dagger -

DM: The orc rejects your reality, and desires to substitute his own! "Gary did not send you! I know it!"
Gimlet: I hit it with my axe!
DM: ...
Angora: You hit it with your axe?
Gimlet: I hit it with my axe!!!

Much Later...
DM: The lich floats toward you, lightning crackling about him! "..and now, you die."
Gimlet: I hit it with my axe!
DM: ...
Angora: ...
Crickets: ...

Back at the Safety of The Inn...
Gimlet: I try to cut things with the dagger. Like bread.
DM: It cuts the bread.
Gimlet: I look for a rope, and cut it. With the dagger!
DM: The rope parts in the manner of room-temperature margarine.
Gimlet: Yes!!
Eggoless: I studied a magic detection spell. I could cast it and examine that dagger..?
All: Please.
- Eggoless weaves his uncanny faerie wizardry, and directs his elven sight to the blade in Gimlet's grasp -
DM: The dagger is magical.
Gimlet: I'm having trouble making it to game night guys. Gimlet gets up from the table, downs the last of his ale, bids you all farewell, walks out of the inn, walks down to the docks, gets on a ship that's ready to set sail, sails down 100 miles of river, gets on a bigger ship, sails out into the ocean for 3 months, lands on another continent, travels inland across a jungle, walks for two weeks across a desert, and arrives at his home town.
All, plus crickets, and innocent bystanders: ...

Much, Much Later...
Eggoless: Hey, where's that dagger we found?


  1. Nearly fell out of my chair laughing at this one--excellent job. The in-joke references are just priceless. The Orc's timless quote of "Gary did not send you! I know it!" and Gimlet's "I hit it with my axe," are priceless. Keep up the wonderful work!

  2. I laughed so hard at the Adam Savage quote, that would have made my character defenseless for quite some time.

  3. ...

    Sod it all.

    That bugger up and left our group with the only magical item we've found so far, didn't he?